My Whole Life

I spent my whole life looking for a sign;
I was quite sure that someone cared for me,
So I prepared a loaf of bread, and wine.
I spent my whole life looking at the sea,
But never venturing upon the waves,
Dismissing what I never could have guessed.
I spent my whole life knowing that love saves
The fiercest sinner, so I did my best
To be an anchor of true, telling pain.
I spent my whole life calling for the sun,
But not expecting anything but rain,
Expecting nothing much from anyone.
I spent my whole life grasping after love.
Whatever must I have been thinking of?