The Last Sober Man Here Tonight

Sit down, shut up, and break your own left leg
While I explain why you're a piece of crap
Built out of rotten cabbages and sap
That leaked from dying maple trees. Don't beg.
You used to be the king of Winnipeg,
But now, in exile, your fat lips just flap
About the rabid chipmunk in your lap
That's smiling at you. Don't spit in that keg.

The boys are drinking heavily tonight,
Down at the lake beyond the stinking wood.
They think your attitude is pretty good,
But none of them is really all that bright.
There isn't any time to put things right,
And nobody I know believes you should.