Concession Speech

Don't stand on me, you ass. That really hurts.
I don't remember giving you the eye
Or spitting at your head when you walked by,
Or kicking you, or grabbing at your skirts —
All right, your pants. Where do you buy those shirts,
The Stupid Store? In fact, I'm pretty shy,
I'm just reluctant to tell you a lie,
And honestly, friend — cut down on desserts.

Maybe I shouldn't have called you a blimp,
Or added that your wife looks like a sow
With three chins, bad skin, and a unibrow,
But think — I never said you were a pimp,
Or hit you, or made jokes about your limp.
Okay, you win, gumhead. Get off me now.