What I Could Do

Would it impress you if I wet my pants
With some exotic liquid: clam juice, gin,
Crude oil, or ditch water? If these dark rants
Came packaged with four lovely potted plants?
If I had candy canes that made you thin,
Or found a way to build bridges of skin
That spanned the continent? If I made ants
Jump flawlessly, or if I conquered sin?

Where would I get crude oil, or ants that leap?
Embarrassed? Sure I am, but that's not new.
But what if I could go days without sleep,
If there were villanelles that made you weep,
If I could show you that poems were true,
And if I changed the sonnet's rhyme scheme, too?