Historic Love

Medusa learned about serpents from me,
And my rock-hard body appealed to Venus.
Minerva’s wisdom was my ecstasy,
And Pandar praised my proud prehensile penis.
My next great love affair was Joan of Arc’s
Rotund assistant, in the vineyard weeds.
Exchanging fluids with Mrs. Karl Marx
Was done according to each other’s needs.
When Mary Queen of Scots called me a fairy
I showed her magic, turning her quite loose,
Just like her sweetest cousin Bloody Mary,
Who grinned, and spiced up my tomato juice.
The greatest love of all was Catherine the Great’s:
She taught me how to kiss on roller skates.