Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Why We Sat Still

The exercise I tried left me with aches
In every nook and cranny of my frame,
And even though I really liked the game
I had to quit, but for my daughters' sakes
My trainer, thinking all of us were flakes,
Made me a solemn promise not to blame
Or argue, and I tried to do the same,
But we were weak, and called each other snakes.

There isn't time to tell you all the lies
Invented to explain why we sat still
When it was time to move. We've had our fill
Of shaking and description, sad good-byes
And omens of embarrassment. My eyes
Ache also, but my wife gave me a pill.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Taxidermist's Lunch

I practise taxidermy now for fun,
Not just because I like stuffed animals
(Especially the beige marsupials),
But also for lunch: grizzly on a bun,
Hot rabbit cakes, moles basking in the sun.
I have no use for those green vegetables
Or soy. I feel like I'm in manacles
Without my furry friends. Get me a gun

And I'll become as placid as a snake
After a good meal. As I have stated,
My life is good, and I have contemplated
Everything from stuffed duck to fried hake.
There's one more dinner that I want to make,
And then I'll stop, my belly wholly sated.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Embracing Empathy

Malicious, vicious, meretricious, not
Nutritious, expeditious, or refined,
The way we dated, danced, disputed, dined,
And made ourselves unpleasant, was it fraught
With indolence, unnatural yet untaught,
Or merely what would come to be defined
As our especial trick, seen from behind,
The art of buying things that can't be bought?

I am impossible. You are a saint,
Impassive and impressive. I impugn
Your reputation with a merry tune.
A cup of fairy sherry makes you faint,
As quaint as quietism. I drink paint,
Embracing empathy. You are immune.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

After the Collision

Men reveal themselves through different follies:
Trying to reduce their growing middles
Frying pancakes on their non-stick griddles,
Sneaking rides unpaid on public trolleys,
Claiming their own verse Sir Walter Raleigh's,
Thinking they have mastered both bass fiddles
And the telling of bad jokes and riddles,
While defaming sheep and English collies.

If my brain, deluded and divided,
Seems calm, then you wouldn't have impressed me
With your perspicacity, outguessed me
Or been cool when we and Mars collided.
Now that all this empty talk's subsided,
I'm prepared for any old thing. Test me!